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　　句子改寫是寫作必備環節，改寫的過程涉及到使用更加靈活的句式，尋找更加精準的單詞，調整句子的順序等。謹記這7個法則將有助于你寫出更加漂亮的句子。

　　01.簡潔性原則

　　關于簡潔性原則，William Zinsser 在他的 On Writing Well 一書中提到了一個經典案例：

　　二戰時期羅斯福總統的一名下屬需要通知上夜班的工作人員，在空襲期間，聯邦政府的辦公樓需要關燈或者避免光線外漏。該下屬寫了這么一則通告：

　　Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-Federal buildings occupied by the Federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination.

　　羅斯?？赐曛螅瑢⑺某闪?Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.

　　翻開任何一本英文寫作指導書籍，其中一定會提及簡潔性原則。在改寫句子時，要學會刪繁就簡，去除贅詞和套話。對于句子精簡，以下幾種方法可以參考：

　　(a)減少there be句型的使用

　　there be 句型很容易使用，但也很容易被濫用。在考場作文中我們可以見到大量的 there be 從句，但這些從句絕大多數可以省略。舉個例子：

　　There are widespread rumours of job losses.

　　可以改寫為：

　　Rumours of job losses abound.

　　there be 句型一般表示“某地有某物”，在修改時，可以使用一個恰當的動詞進行替換(比如上面句子中的 abound )

　　又比如下面這個例子：

　　There were more foreign students in the classroom than the natives.

　　可以改寫為：

　　Foreign students outnumbered the natives in the classroom.

　　除了去掉 there be 結構之外，這里還使用 outnumber 來代替 more … than … 這一個比較結構。類似的詞還有 outlive, outshine, outclass, outgrow, outperform 等。

　　(b)使用介詞短語

　　很多時候，一個簡單的介詞往往會比一個從句更為簡潔，舉個例子：

　　(1) When they arrived at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.

　　(2) I'll call you when I arrive.

　　可以改寫成：

　　(1) On arrival at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.

　　(2) I'll call you upon arrival.

　　這里使用on 以及 upon 介詞來代替 when 從句，類似的道理，可以靈活使用 in, at, during 等其他介詞來代替從句，起到事半功倍的效果。

　　(c)省略關系代詞

　　除了 there be 句型之外，定語從句在考場作文中的使用頻率也非常高。但從簡潔性的角度考慮，絕大多數的定語從句同樣可以精簡。舉個例子：

　　From childhood, he had an instinct that made him excited and interested in all things which were electronic.

　　可以改寫成：

　　From childhood, he had an instinctive feel for all things electronic.

　　這里將關系代詞 which 以及 that 省略，并且原句中 made him excited and interested in 語義重復，可以使用 instinctive feel 來代替。

　　又比如下面這個例子：

　　An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician who was involved in a scandal that led to his downfall.

　　句子可以改寫成：

　　An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician brought down by a scandal.

　　這里將關系代詞 who 以及 that 省略，句子的意思不變，但顯得更加簡潔。在作文修改中，可以嘗試著將不必要的關系代詞刪除，或者將其轉換為分詞結構或名詞詞組，以達到精簡的效果。

　　02.詞性轉換

　　英語中有一部分單詞具有多重詞性，巧妙利用詞性轉換，可以寫出簡潔的句子。舉個例子，要表達“他在上海度假”，我們可能會寫 He goes on holiday in Shanghai.

　　但其實還可以寫成 He holidays in Shanghai. 這里將 holiday 作為動詞使用，含義是“在……度假”。

　　又比如：

　　(1) Arthur Ashe is the captain of the U.S. team.

　　(2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he does not believe in happy endings.

　　上面句子可以改寫為：

　　(1) Arthur Ashe captains the U.S. team.

　　(2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he is no believer in happy endings.

　　第一個句子使用 captain 的動詞義“率領”，人物形象更為有力。第二個句子使用 believe 的名詞形式 believer，這樣語氣更為強烈。

　　03.避免語義重復

　　語義重復是中國學生最常犯的寫作問題之一，這與漢語的負遷移現象有一定關系。在漢語中我們會重復使用意思相近的詞語或句子來達到增強語氣的效果，但在英語寫作中應盡量避免這種寫法。

　　舉個例子，在一篇關于間隔年(gap year)的作文中，有這樣一個片段：

　　Students who have used their time to volunteer for charities, serve internship or travel overseas have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures, and this could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting.

　　第二句 They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures 屬于語義重復：整句話的核心為 They tend to be more adaptable，后半句的表述其實是前半句的重復，可以刪去，句子改寫成：

　　The adaptability hardened in a foreign land could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting.

　　再舉一個例子：

　　In this modern world of ours today, the well-informed, knowledgeable person will succeed and be well ahead of the competition.

　　上面這個句子中，modern 和 today 重復，well-informed 和 knowledgeable 重復，succeed 和 be well ahead of the competition 重復，句子可化簡為：

　　Well-informed person will succeed these days.

　　04.留意正式表達與非正式表達的區別

　　英語中有正式表達和非正式表達之分，要學會區分它們，避免在寫作使用非正式表達。例如：

　　The actors gave a terrific performance, but the opera was rotten.

　　句子中 terrific, rotten 這樣的詞語就屬于非正式表達，在書面語中要進行替換，可以將它們替換成 The actors gave a amazing/brilliant/marvellous performance, but the opera was terrible/awful/abysmal.

　　怎樣辨別正式表達與非正式表達呢?一個簡單的方法是，在詞典中查看該單詞的標識，如果某個釋義帶有 informal 標識，在正式寫作中就要盡量注意。

　　05.用詞多樣

　　在一篇文章中，可以使用同義詞或近義詞來營造多樣化表達效果。舉個例子，經濟學人最近在一篇關于泰國國王普密蓬的文章中，有這樣一個句子：

　　Respect for the Thai monarchy may be reinforced through the education system andbolstered by strict laws against insulting the king, but it is genuine nonetheless.

　　其中，reinforce 以及 bolster 表達的含義都是“加強”，在這里為近義詞替換。

　　我在之前的經濟學人賞析系列中還舉過一個例子：

　　Africa can simply jump straight over it and go right to the latest thing. Just as drones canmake up for poor roads, the theory goes, mobile phones can overcome a lack of well-functioning banks, portable solar panels can stand in for missing power stations and free learning apps can substitute for patchy education.

　　一個句子里面連續使用了 make up for, overcome, stand in for, substitute for 這幾個詞來表達“取代”這個概念，這也從側面反映出積累近義表達的重要性。

　　在寫句子時如果需要進行同義詞替換，可以查詢同義詞詞典(thesaurus)，例如在柯林斯同義詞詞典中可以找到 stand in for 的多種替換表達：

　　06.使用修辭

　　適當使用修飾可以增加語言的表現力，同時給讀者留下深刻印象。在外刊閱讀以及英語寫作中，最常見的一種修飾手法是比喻。舉個例子，經濟學人最近在寫 Elon Musk 公司的財務狀況時，使用了這樣的描述：

　　Mr Musk is also one of the last entrepreneurs in America who seems to think that the publicly listed company can be useful. Two of his companies are listed: Tesla, a carmaker, and SolarCity, an energy firm. They have towering ambitions and valuations, and burn up cash as fast as his third company, SpaceX, burns up rocket fuel.

　　對于特斯拉和SolarCity 兩家公司的燒錢速度，作者給了一個形象的說法：就像 SpaceX 公司的火箭消耗燃料那么快。這樣的描寫效果更為直觀。

　　We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

　　It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

　　這次演講在當時面對的是廣大底層黑人民眾，文中使用的一系列比喻讓自由平等民主不再是空洞的概念，而是一個個非常具體的物象。這些比喻極大增強了演講的感染力，也讓它當即成為膾炙人口的名篇。

　　07.尋找更精準的詞

　　要寫出漂亮的句子，我們并不能僅僅滿足于使用一個剛好能符合要求的詞。要不斷反問自己“這個句子還可以怎么寫?有沒有更加精確的詞可以替換?”

　　舉個例子，“我的伯母氣沖沖地走進商店，要求退款”，這句話怎么說?

　　My aunt walked into the grocery store angrily and asked for a refund.

　　上面這個句子雖然可以符合要求，但是用詞過于中規中矩，還不夠漂亮。可以嘗試著將句子改成：

　　My aunt stormed into the grocery store and demanded for a refund.

　　將 walked 替換成 storm (氣沖沖地走)，將 ask 替換為 demand(堅決請求，強烈要求)，這樣的句子表意更為精準，也更加容易給人留下深刻印象。

　　這個例子也從側面解釋了我們為什么需要更大詞匯量的原因：掌握的單詞越多，寫作時用詞的選擇面也會越廣，越容易找到能夠精確傳達意思的詞匯。

　　除了上面提到的這幾種技巧之外，還要學會大量閱讀模仿以及勤查詞典，多站在作者的角度思考如何遣詞造句。能夠長期堅持做到這幾點，距離寫出好句子也就不遠了。

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